19 weeks - 21 weeks to go! Almost half way... It seems so unreal. At times I wonder if it is really true. At least I have a reminder every month when I go to the Dr.
I watched a marathon of I didn't know I was pregnant and TLC the other day. Jason said to me, "that could be you" It really could have. I just have too much hope which is how I found out. It is hard for me to believe someone who pregnant for 9 months never knew, but then again. I am like alot of those women. (No explanation will be given but) I never thought I could get pregant, even on birth control my cycles were completely irregular, I was ON birth control, other details not fitting for a blog would make becoming pregnant seem impossible! I had no morning sickness, I was tired but if I didn't know I was pregnant would have never admitted it, I have had no unusual symptoms, and even the movements I am feeling are so light if I didn't know I would likely pass them off as something else. My belly is growing, but if I didn't know I am sure I would HIDE it lol I am not sure what the weeks will bring, but I can understand in the beginning how people dont know.
I watched Julie and Julia with my mom. It was a good movie, pretty long, but good. There was a part in there which had no relevance to the story line that I was surprised made it into the film. Now I know nothing about the life of Julia Child besides what I saw last night. Maybe they added it because it was a well know fact about her - I don't know...
The first scene it is noticable in is as follows: Julia nad her husband are walking down the streets of Paris having a conversation, relevant to the movie but I forget it, a woman walks by with a baby carriage. Julia smiles and follows the baby with her head. To some it may look as if it was a couple noticing a cute baby. I (as well as others I am sure) saw the meaning. As the baby passed Julia put her hand on her belly and then I knew she was longing for a child... (Side not I just found this in another blog - "It's such a brief moment that I wonder if anyone who hasn't dealt with infertility would notice it. ")
Not mentioned again I kept thinking of this scene, then Julia gets a letter from her sister. Her sister is pregnant. She starts crying... "I am so very happy for her!" she exclaims. I wonder if there are a few who didn't know what the tears were for...
Now I write from my heart, which I really never do on a public blog... Those feelings that were portrayed by the actor who portrayed Julia Child were so real. If you have never felt what it is like to be childless - to have the only desire of your heart go unfilled you do not know the depth of hurt it causes. I know I am only 27 years old, I know I am now pregnant. But my age does not make the years I longed for a child any less important. I feel so blessed to have been given this chance. Yes I am a lucky one, to only have to have felt that way for a few years instead of all my life. Yes, the feeling may get worse as you grow older. But I still had it, and plenty of people with children now have had those feelings.
So while some of you may not understand my frame of mind please know - this baby is an answer to years of prayer. I wish I could share with you my conversations with God in the weeks before this baby was conceived. Although I am not perfect I know He gave me this baby as a direct answer to what I had asked.