Tuesday, August 11, 2009

19 weeks (long blog post for once)

19 weeks - 21 weeks to go! Almost half way... It seems so unreal. At times I wonder if it is really true. At least I have a reminder every month when I go to the Dr.

I watched a marathon of I didn't know I was pregnant and TLC the other day. Jason said to me, "that could be you" It really could have. I just have too much hope which is how I found out. It is hard for me to believe someone who pregnant for 9 months never knew, but then again. I am like alot of those women. (No explanation will be given but) I never thought I could get pregant, even on birth control my cycles were completely irregular, I was ON birth control, other details not fitting for a blog would make becoming pregnant seem impossible! I had no morning sickness, I was tired but if I didn't know I was pregnant would have never admitted it, I have had no unusual symptoms, and even the movements I am feeling are so light if I didn't know I would likely pass them off as something else. My belly is growing, but if I didn't know I am sure I would HIDE it lol I am not sure what the weeks will bring, but I can understand in the beginning how people dont know.

I watched Julie and Julia with my mom. It was a good movie, pretty long, but good. There was a part in there which had no relevance to the story line that I was surprised made it into the film. Now I know nothing about the life of Julia Child besides what I saw last night. Maybe they added it because it was a well know fact about her - I don't know...
The first scene it is noticable in is as follows: Julia nad her husband are walking down the streets of Paris having a conversation, relevant to the movie but I forget it, a woman walks by with a baby carriage. Julia smiles and follows the baby with her head. To some it may look as if it was a couple noticing a cute baby. I (as well as others I am sure) saw the meaning. As the baby passed Julia put her hand on her belly and then I knew she was longing for a child... (Side not I just found this in another blog - "It's such a brief moment that I wonder if anyone who hasn't dealt with infertility would notice it. ")
Not mentioned again I kept thinking of this scene, then Julia gets a letter from her sister. Her sister is pregnant. She starts crying... "I am so very happy for her!" she exclaims. I wonder if there are a few who didn't know what the tears were for...

Now I write from my heart, which I really never do on a public blog... Those feelings that were portrayed by the actor who portrayed Julia Child were so real. If you have never felt what it is like to be childless - to have the only desire of your heart go unfilled you do not know the depth of hurt it causes. I know I am only 27 years old, I know I am now pregnant. But my age does not make the years I longed for a child any less important. I feel so blessed to have been given this chance. Yes I am a lucky one, to only have to have felt that way for a few years instead of all my life. Yes, the feeling may get worse as you grow older. But I still had it, and plenty of people with children now have had those feelings.
So while some of you may not understand my frame of mind please know - this baby is an answer to years of prayer. I wish I could share with you my conversations with God in the weeks before this baby was conceived. Although I am not perfect I know He gave me this baby as a direct answer to what I had asked.

1 comment:

  1. Meryl Streep played Julia Child. I saw the brief moment you mentioned as the baby carriage rolled past her. Meryl Streep played a character who was "over the top" enthusiastic and joyful, but she also did an excellent job of showing her subtle inward pains. You, like Child, have kept your inward pains to yourself most of your life, that I can remember. I am so happy God gave you what you asked for. You will make a wonderful mother. I look forward to your sonogram next week.